For Thor - 18 - Bridge

Yesterday we were visited by your VDOT Bridge Crew, they guys you went out into the field with every day. They came here bearing gifts borne upon the love and respect they have for you, Thor. They stood in the entry just out of the pouring rain, since removing all those big muddy boots would take a long time and they weren't about to make me have to get out the mop.

I was presented with a large bag which has all the gear from your locker including two pairs of your own big muddy boots, in addition to rain gear, cold-weather gear, socks, gloves and hard hats. They shared a story of how you stepped out under a bridge one day and the water came up over the top of our boot, so you stopped at the Dollar General to buy some new, dry socks. They came in a two-pair pack. Only needing one sock to replace the soggy one, we now have the remaining three. I told them that keeping your feet dry was a constant dilemma for me as you grew, but I was glad that you came to realize the value of it. It was a good moment to laugh.

The next thing they gave me was a brand new road cone that is signed by the whole Bridge Crew, the Residencies, and several folks in Lynchburg, too. This personal expression of their appreciation for you is truly heart warming. And as an added benefit I get to have my own traffic cone in the living room. This will come in handy when we have parties here and I need to keep folks moving in the right direction. Another good moment to laugh. I could see in all their faces how much they miss you.

Then I received a Virginia State Flag which was flown over the Capitol in your name, sweetheart. It has a certificate with your name on it from the Department of General Services. This made me cry with pride and sorrow, both.

And finally, there was a hand-written letter from the District Engineer, Chris Winstead. His beautiful observations about you, your life, and the rich value you brought to everyone who you met have me thinking deeply about bridges. Here are a few of his words that have touched me so. "…[Virginia's] bridges do much more than carry loads using concrete and steel. Bridges connect people. Bridges connect people to a better life. As I sat in Thor's funeral listening to the positive difference he made in the lives of others I was honored he chose to join us on the Dillwyn Bridge Crew as a VDOT employee. I also realized he had mastered the art of connecting people long before VDOT employment. Bridge building came naturally to him." More tears of pride and sorrow.

This is so very true of you, darling son. Your whole life it seems, short as it was, was rooted in connecting with people. All people. Age, race, and socio-economics bore no weight with you when it came to making friends and lending help. It has me thinking about this aspect of the legacy of your life and how we can learn from it. How can I establish better connections with others to help them cross over turbulent waters? Each day, I can choose to make a positive difference in the lives of others. Each day, I can consciously add another small stone of positivity to span the gulf of divisiveness and help pierce the illusion that we are separate from each other.

I am moving in a new direction, one that your life, and death, have set me on. Each day, I seek out the bridge that keeps me connected to you and helps me cross over these turbulent waters. Dawn by dawn and sometimes hour by hour, I move forward a little more. One step at a time, I find a little more footing across this treacherous terrain of grief. It's good to know there is a bridge and that I can access it. This heartens me and gives me the strength to not be afraid of the pain and confusion in this fall-out zone. It will come and it hurts like shit, but I am not afraid of it. It won't drown me. It won't kill me. It won't ruin my life.

There is a bridge…and it's name is, Love.

I love you,
Mom